They said this is the time
for some self discovery,
the perfect time to meditate…

I’m not sure what to discover,
and I hate meditation,
I bad at not thinking about anything.

Sleeping is not as easy as it used to be,
and tho I’m still a believer,
I often found myself
gazing at the ceiling and feel
as if I’m speaking to myself
than talking to God…

I lost the comfort feeling
I used to feel when I pray,
I’m not sure why…

My head hurts,
my body hurts,
I’m missing someone
who doesn’t even care about my existence,
I’m missing the relationship that wasn’t there…

It’s a long way to go,
just like today,
long day to go…
3.24pm and passing slowly,
and I’m bored
and I want to go home
but I’m scare of being alone…

And I hate how I can’t stop thinking about him,
I swear I’m so sick of it,
I feel like throwing up now.

This feeling is crazy.
It’s disgusting.
I hate it.