I tried to pray,
oh God, oh God,
I really did,
but the only words came out were just,
“Oh God I’m so sorry I love him more than You,
oh God, I feel so bad,
but I love him,
oh look at his nose,
God, what should I do??”

We were sitting far away…
It’s an oval table
and we were sitting on each corner…

I started to question my motive on being here
and feel rather bad for it…
Oh God,
I’m so sorry if I can’t really focus
on praise and worship,
instead,
peeking at him,
I feel so bad…

What should I do, my Lord?
He’s like the drugs I need to take…
If I was Dr. House,
he’ll be my Valium…
So wrong,
so wrong…

And the sermon,
words by words,
like Tyson’s jabs,
I’m aching for no other reason than
not putting You first…
Well,
for the sins I made too
of course…
But mostly for the guilt
of loving the creation more than the Creator…

What should I do, God?

Ah, he smiles!
That terabyte, liberating,
breath-taking, emotionally consuming
smile…
Perfected with the dimple…
God,
I’m dying with shame…

I love him,
way too much…
I’m so sorry…

Take over, Lord…
Let me wake up tomorrow
unknowingly lost this feeling
and instead,
loving you like a holy nun…

I hate being a nun.
But,
well…

ps:
I’m sorry but I still disagree
with the idea of premartial sex
that happen out of love is a sin…,
or homosexuality…
I just don’t think everything is so black and white with You…,
and that is kind of shallow…
I’m so sorry,
please don’t hate me…

-LeLittle-

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