Our Thanksgiving celebration
consist of:

* Looking shiny like a million dollar.
* Dysfunctional million dollar couple.
* Me chain-smoking.
* He’s red like an angry bull and keep on talking
about my attitude issue. That regardless me on my PMS, it is unacceptable for me to raise my voice on the phone.
“I expect better attitude next time.”
* People keep starring at us, I’m not sure if it’s because we look well polished or obviously in the middle of a fight.
* He suddenly changed to cotton candy mood. Just like that.
* I’m shaken by his mind-fcuk game, feeling like a child
disciplined by her father only to have him trying to win me back after.
* I refuse a hug.
* I refuse a dinner.
* Complete Thanksgiving disaster.
* Went to my friend’s cafe. He went in, I stay in my car.
* Having a meltdown.
* Realising that the idea of passing away when we are young are quite beautiful. If I’m going to die young, I want it to happen fast cos of natural cause, or one sharp pain and it’s over (this is for death caused by not so natural cause).
* I want to die young.
* I finally went in to the cafe.
* My (older friend that he respect) told him that he is selfish, arrogant and treating everybody like trash and act like he knows everything.
* He said “ouch”.
* I whisper “thank you” to my friend.
* He tried to kiss me.
* No.
* He said you don’t want to cuddle?
* I said i need to sleep.
* He said fine, always make me feel like I’m not exist in your world.
* I realised now I have the ability to numb myself each time I don’t want to hear him. It’s like I can navigate myself to be “blank”, like “offline” mode, you get what I mean?
* He asked, do you wanna pray together?
* I said no. I’ve prayed.
* Thinking, wow, I am a serious emotional sadomasochist.
* Falling asleep feeling like a trash.

I have a strong feeling
I will not celebrate Thanksgiving
ever again.

-LeLittle-

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